So today, I embarked on a new journey. To begin living life, and that more abundantly. I have lived in a shell... in the shadows, in fear of success. There, Suzette. I have finally admitted it. I am afraid to succeed. I will be working on that as I begin to realize my dreams. I will learn to DJ. As a hobby. I love everything about DJing. It was taken away from me at a young age, but I will have my day. I will pursue percussion. I love drums and congas and bongos! I LOVE the bass guitar. Why not learn to play while I have breath! I love to perform and dance and sing. Why have I denied myself these joys?
I'll tell you why. Because those things took me far, far away from the Lord of Lords. I battle with myself daily to enter again into places to dance and enjoy myself, because of those who also frequent those places. How can a woman of God go out and dance? How can a Godly woman start DJing and becoming a musician? You see all those moralistic sitcoms about people who want to pick up where they left off, only to be put back into place by the people around them who want them to "return to normal." If I started dressing Goth again, people in my world would think I've lost my mind! But, maybe s l o w l y, and incorporate a look that will allow me to express my respect for the circle of life with the world of capitalism and bureaucracy.
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| Photo via http://feed.ln-cc.com/story/aw13-ii |
Ummm... mebbe not.
I think I am finally beginning to understand what my Bishop said, that "not everyone will be able to go with you." All things to all people that I might save some? And those people in the other areas of my life may not be able to come with me into the holy place - the great congregation, where we gather in the Holy name of Jesus. I was once asked, "What's a Christian girl doing at a party?" I said, "Having fun. Christians like to dance, too!" But since then, those words drilled down into my heart and became a place of contention for me. What WAS I doing there... with people like them? After all, "evil communications corrupt good manners," right? So i dug a safe little hole and hid. And I've been hiding ever since.
I think what I need is accountability. It is SOOOOOOOO easy to backslide. And that's my main concern. I have heard how God can clean you up and put you right back out there, where the enemy is waiting to draw you away by tempting you - if it is possible. Here is what I am willing to try - calculated jaunts into the "other side." That "other side" is not my life anymore. I desire to please GOD!
So, behold the nascence of IRON CROSS ENTERPRISES. Est. 06/13/14.
Those inclined to seek the face of GOD on a serious basis, please do uplift.
Thankyouverymuch.
