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| Image by Mixed Nuts |
I have been on, perhaps, one of the deepest soul searching journeys of my life. I feel as if I am in that Yellow Wood, obstacles in clear view - the well traveled road beckoning me to carry on. I wait at the mouth of that yellow wood. I wait for the Lord to tell me which is the path to fulfill His Will for me. I muse within myself whether or not to release that well trodden road, that comfortable well planned place. But that place carries with it much pain. It also carries with it a sense of duty and responsibility. The other path has much uncertainty and lack of financial support. Dare I, at this place in my life, dare I take this untrodden, unexplored, uncertain path? I see so many on the intersections with their signs, "Hungry." "Please, spare some change." "Help me." Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor His seed begging bread. Are these hungry, spent souls not righteous? Who's gonna be bold enough to judge their paths?
Don't we need some help and "spare change" sometimes? The Just shall live by faith. But would it be radical faith, or radical foolishness for me to forsake that comfortable road now? "Don't leave without another job!" "Why would you leave something like that that you prayed and fasted to be blessed with?" Ah...the rub. I DO NOT desire to be out of my Lord's Will...but where I am has become a toxic and painful place; and all at once noble, and heroic, and socially/morally responsible. "Suffer the children to come unto Me, and forbid them not..." If we expect to reign with Him, we must also suffer with Him. Yes I have thought upon, and heard, and do consider all of those things, "But you have paid your dues."
Oh. Really? Have I?
Indeed, I have been payingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingand... now what's next?
I stand. I keep creating, for God is creative, and He made me to create.
I keep working until that which He has given me is seen by all those He has given me to see what He has given me to create. I had believed, once, that whatever I touch fails. That's a lie...I just need to keep going in boldness and strength. Oh. I have let you in on a little secret - Yes, I feel as if I have been an epic failure.
But the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but in she that endures....
