Turning My Face To The Wall... Part 1

I am in some kind of process right now in my life.  What it is, I am uncertain.  Swirling emotions... ideas... concepts.  And a very large feeling of uncertainty.  Like King Hezekiah, I turn my face to the wall, away from distraction and toward holiness and restoration.  I believe I am going through a death of sorts.  Something is no longer functioning in my life that needs to go.  Thoughts that hold me back.  Behaviors that serve me no purpose and that do not glorify the Lord.  It is a considering of my ways before Him.  I am immeasurably unworthy of His Love for me, yet I relish it with all my heart.  I thus turn my face to the wall - away from things, disengaging and releasing and letting go.  There is a time to loose and a time to hold on.  A time to purge and a time to let it all grow.

First, I will loose a story.

My Grandparent's house was a beautiful place.  It was immaculately kept.  My grandfather prided how he had the yard looking.  The grass was always neat and trimmed.  The landscaping was always good and well watered, and he never let the paint on the house look gnarly.  He would change into his gardening clothes when he came home from work and putter around outside.  The back yard had two orange trees and a lemon three.  The roots of one of the orange trees and the lemon tree mingled underground so that the oranges tasted tart like lemons, and the lemons had a wonderful sweetness to them.  They were big and fat, and made the best lemonade ever.

My Grandmother kept her house immaculately.  She had her routine.  Up with the chickens and to bed with the cows.  She would get up and prepare breakfast for my grandfather, who had three jobs before he retired.  He worked the pantry at the local bowling alley (which had gourmet food, by the way) and he also worked the railroad.  I could hear them puttering about in the kitchen through sleepy ears and drift off to sleep.  I usually awoke to the smell of spray starch as my grandmother did her daily ironing.  By the time I awakened, she would have the floors swept and all the dusting done.  Wasn't much to dust or clean, because she kept the house immaculately.  A big hug and kiss awaited me and then breakfast.

If it was Christmastime, this meant scampering to the den area to sit near a roaring fire to eat breakfast.  She had really cool TV trays with flowers and dragonflies on them.  I loved looking at them and would always request mine as close to the fireplace as possible.  There were old collected Christmas Candles all over the house.  Sometimes, If I got there
early enough, she would let me help her decorate the house.  Cards from friends and well-wishers were all over the house.  On the walls, on the mantle, on the tables - everywhere.  It was such a happy scene.  Stockings on the mantle, tinsel on the walls, and the best part was the lights all over the house with Santa and the Reindeer on the roof!  When we turned the corner on my Grandparent's street, imagine this wonderful festive scene!  A quick bump on the car horn and the door flew open with happy Grandparents meeting us at the car kissing and hugging me and my whole family.

Once inside, usually at night, we would be met with the grand scene... the 7' white flocked Christmas tree with red bulbs and a COLOR WHEEL!  Mesmerizing hours staring at the whole room turning colors.  Red!  Orange! Green!  Blue! Oooh... Red again!!!!  Throw in Sees candies, hard Christmas candy, home made fudge, and loads of gifts under the tree - and the roaring fire with the ever present nut bowl loaded to the brim with filberts, pecans, almonds, walnuts and more pecans!

These are memories to cherish,
and nothing could beat the family Christmas party...  Watch for Part 2...

It's Better To Finish Than To Start...

had a conversation with a good friend of mine, because i was feeling a bit blah, and it was great to get the call.  we talked about living a life of artistry while being inextricably rooted and grounded in the Lord.  we talked about letting go and moving on.  we talked about moving forward and feeling loss.  all of which sets up this post.  been doing it for a while and it dawned on me that probably nobody reads it.  then i sat back and began to think - well, who the heck am i anyway?  why should anybody care who coco street is or what you have to say?

i shall sing and play for an audience of ONE.

that's right.  who cares anyway?  nobody.  i am doing this because God made me able to do it.  and it makes me happy.  and it glorifies HIM because i'm doing what He gave me the ability to do.  it would be nice if i could connect with other people, but that's cool.  i realized today that GOD sees me... and that's quite enough.  

so what will i finish?  if the Lord is willing, my dissertation.  all the songs i have to finish.  all the songs yet to sing.  retraining myself as a musician, videographer, songwriter.  all the conversations i never finished.  all the laughs started, and then stifled.  all the hugs, laughs and shared pizzas.  i'm gonna put on a concert, for the Holy Spirit.  why not?  even if nobody comes.  i will plan it, and rehearse for it - and perform with all my heart and soul.  maybe i'll invite others to perform for Him too.  who needs an audience of humans?  we only need the Lord, and everything else will be extra gravy.

Promote your mixtape at ReverbNation.com

There Is A Time For Everything...

Triskaidekaphobia? Not for me!

Triskaidekaphobia?  Not for me!

So today, I embarked on a new journey.  To begin living life, and that more abundantly.  I have lived in a shell... in the shadows, in fear of success.  There, Suzette.  I have finally admitted it.  I am afraid to succeed.  I will be working on that as I begin to realize my dreams.  I will learn to DJ.  As a hobby.  I love everything about DJing.  It was taken away from me at a young age, but I will have my day.  I will pursue percussion.  I love drums and congas and bongos!  I LOVE the bass guitar.  Why not learn to play while I have breath!  I love to perform and dance and sing.  Why have I denied myself these joys?

I'll tell you why.  Because those things took me far, far away from the Lord of Lords.  I battle with myself daily to enter again into places to dance and enjoy myself, because of those who also frequent those places.  How can a woman of God go out and dance?  How can a Godly woman start DJing and becoming a musician?  You see all those moralistic sitcoms about people who want to pick up where they left off, only to be put back into place by the people around them who want them to "return to normal."  If I started dressing Goth again, people in my world would think I've lost my mind!  But, maybe s l o w l y, and incorporate a look that will allow me to express my respect for the circle of life with the world of capitalism and bureaucracy.

Photo via http://feed.ln-cc.com/story/aw13-ii

Ummm... mebbe not.

I think I am finally beginning to understand what my Bishop said, that "not everyone will be able to go with you."  All things to all people that I might save some?  And those people in the other areas of my life may not be able to come with me into the holy place - the great congregation, where we gather in the Holy name of Jesus.  I was once asked, "What's a Christian girl doing at a party?"  I said, "Having fun.  Christians like to dance, too!"  But since then, those words drilled down into my heart and became a place of contention for me.  What WAS I doing there... with people like them?  After all, "evil communications corrupt good manners," right?  So i dug a safe little hole and hid.  And I've been hiding ever since.

I think what I need is accountability.  It is SOOOOOOOO easy to backslide.  And that's my main concern.  I have heard how God can clean you up and put you right back out there, where the enemy is waiting to draw you away by tempting you - if it is possible.  Here is what I am willing to try - calculated jaunts into the "other side."  That "other side" is not my life anymore.  I desire to please GOD!

So, behold the nascence of IRON CROSS ENTERPRISES.  Est. 06/13/14.
Those inclined to seek the face of GOD on a serious basis, please do uplift.

Thankyouverymuch.

Possess Your Soul, in Patience

The name of this image is "In The Offing."  It struck my attention as I searched for images to convey how I feel about life in general right now.  I know the Lord has something there for me out there... but my vision is obscured - it is "in the offing."  I thought of Luke 21:19 (Message Version). 

Image by Marianne Michel

     "Staying with it - that's what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won't be sorry; you'll be saved."

I must keep remembering what the goal of life is.  Not things which are external, and that will become dilapidated and tarnished with age, but with those lasting, eternal, internal, holy things of the Lord.  

What you take with you to the grave is your name and your legacy.  With that, I must wait for God to reveal His purpose for me from faith to Faith, and from glory to Glory.  So many times I want to rush and try to control my future - but that is as futile as trying to see what is in the offing.  

I must take joy that God knows. That God sees.  And so with patience, I possess me my soul. 

A New Look at the Prayer of Jabez

Another look at I Chron. 4:9 & 10 NIV

9 Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, "I gave birth to him in pain." 10 Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.

New Look:

Sorrowful Pain became very rich.  This probably meant he had lots of livestock and people and children and wives (check out Abraham and Lot in Genesis 13).  Having this kind of wealth meant he was seen in his family as more honorable and responsible.  It also meant he was more of a burden on the land because of it, just like in the days of Abraham and Lot!  Sorrowful Pain's own family and his extended family lived together in the same area. 

Things became environmentally unsustainable, uncomfortable, and unpleasant.  There wasn’t room enough for everybody because of Sorrowful Pain's many blessings.  Sorrowful Pain began to outgrow the boundaries of his family’s territory... just like he did in the womb. 

Remember, his name was Sorrowful Pain; and he had to live with it because his mother called him that.  After all, the labor and delivery process was so painful to her, that she named her newborn child Sorrowful Pain, because that is what she experienced while she was delivering him.  Sorrowful Pain was bigger than his mother's birth canal.  Sorrowful Pain’s mother’s cervix was too narrow and needed to enlarge (dilate) so that he could come through without causing so much sorrowful pain.  She probably really needed a Cesarean section! Now, as a grown man and more “honorable” than his family, Sorrowful Pain outgrew the borders in which he lives.  All his wealth and blessings became burdensome.  He again is too big for his boundaries... or is it that the boundary is too small for his size?  Truly, he could have blamed his mother for being too small for him to come through.  Let's look at it from the perspective of the fetus.  What if Jabez’s mother's narrow cervix caused him sorrowful pain and distress during labor?   

All his life, he would have heard the story of how he was born.  Over and over, at every birthday, every important moment, at his Bar Mitzvah, at family gatherings, at the birth of his own children, when his mother was among the other women spinning or drawing water... and perhaps especially when she was angry with him.  At any rate, the relationship between Jabez and his mother was strained, to say the least, because she never changed his name.  I'm sure he wondered within himself, "How?"  "Why?"  Maybe he asked a physician why it happened.  Maybe he saw it happen when a cow had difficulty calving and made the connection. And now, in his current outgrown boundary, strife and displeasure arises, and the honorable blessings are now a burden.  Sorrowful Pain prays,

Image by Michael Dudash

"O Lord, the blessing that I am, and now the blessings that you allowed me to have, are again causing others to experience burden, sorrow, and pain.  This is because I have outgrown where I am.  Where I am is not large enough to hold me any longer, and it is causing problems and complications. 

I think back on why my mother named me Sorrowful Pain.  My arrival into this world was supposed to be a blessing, and I ended up causing my mother sorrowful pain.  It was not my fault, but the labor pains and delivery were so traumatic to her, that she named me Sorrowful Pain!

Now, as a grown man, You have blessed me with riches and wealth...  but because I am so large in number, the blessings have become a burden to my family! 

So please bless me with blessings that bless, not cause sorrowful pain or burden!   Please enlarge  my borders (dilate the cervix) and support me;  take away all of the constraints, and keep me  away from evil, distressful, and vexing situations  so that the blessing of life and the blessings of  life and the blessings for life do not cause me  sorrowful pain!” 

And God granted his request.

So, was Jabez too big, or was his mother's cervix too small?  Did Jabez have any control over his size?   Could he have made himself smaller in the womb?  No.   He was what he was.  What God created him to be.  However, his mother could have asked the Lord to make her cervix dilate larger so she wouldn't have sorrowful pain.  She could have prayed, "Oh, that you would bless me with this blessing so I don't experience it as a curse, and enlarge my cervix! Let your strength and support be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from sorrowful pain."

I believe God would have granted her request.

Like Jabez's mother blamed him for causing her sorrowful pain, Jabez could have blamed the great blessing of God for causing familial and environmental distress.  Jabez was in a situation where he was about to "give birth" to his destiny!  The murmurings of the environment were literally labor pains that began to distress and vex him.  Rather than blame the blessing for causing the murmurings and distress, he asked God to enlarge the environment.  Jabez did not ask God to make his blessings smaller, he asked God to make the environment, the boundary bigger.  Jabez's mother would not have been able to make her body bigger so that Jabez could be born at the size he was... but she could have asked God to make her birth canal bigger!!

Although Jabez's mother blamed Jabez (her blessing) for her pain, Jabez did not blame his blessing.  Instead, he prayed, "Lord - please bless me with this blessing to be a blessing and don't allow this blessing to be a curse to me! Enlarge my boundaries and remove the constraints - dilate this constraining cervix! Let your strength and support be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from sorrowful pain."

Jabez broke the cycle.  Fallen Man's proclivity is to blame someone or something else for distress or sorrowful pain.  Rather than to blame, Jabez went to the Lord.  This prayer is in the shape of the Cross. 

Jabez went vertical, and the Lord blessed the horizontal.

As for me, to shrink and make myself smaller is not an option, for to do so would be to deny my very existence and essence, and the blessing that I am.  If others view my person, the blessings, the "glory," the vastness, ability, wealth, and honor God has given me to be burdensome enough to call me “Sorrowful Pain,” it is not my fault.  I am not to attempt to diminish myself as if something is wrong with me because God has blessed me.  Nor am I to renounce the blessings – abdicate them, give them away or ask God to take them away.  What is it if I said to God, "I don't want your blessings.  They are a burden to me and my family. Take them back!"  That would be insulting!  It would mean my perception, paradigm, capacity to receive, and thinking is too small!   Rather, I am to ask God to BLESS me by the blessings and to disallow them from being burdensome, causing me pain, or becoming a curse, so that I can freely bless others with the blessings God has blessed me to bless others with! 

I must acknowledge God’s blessings as good and ask Him to expand the horizon, and remove the constraints so that I am protected from harm and free from sorrowful pain.  I am to reverence the Lord by recognizing the beauty of His good pleasure in my life with humility and holiness.  As it is written, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise." (Psalm 111:10, NIV)

Listen...It's Getting Closer (Or 3 Things I Want to Do in 2014)

Hello y'all!  Since I last blogged, my mind has set on three things that I want to do in 2014, which I have declared to be the YEAR OF #NOREGRETS.

Image By No Regrets Recruiting

#1 GRADUATE

Since 2008, I have been plugging away at my life's dream to get a Doctorate degree.  I had so many obstacles it's not even funny.  Most of the blockages came courtesy of my place of employment.  Now, here's something I am not afraid to hash out in public.  Blessed (BLESSED!!!!) to have a job, but oh the challenges that came with it.  

• Finding time to do the coursework.
• Finding time to sleep
• Finding time to have some semblance of a social life - and the biggie...
• Remembering to pray without ceasing.

The last one has been an ongoing challenge, but in the last few months it has become surprisingly easier. Maybe because I have so many hopes and dreams for 2014.  My dissertation is coming along nicely, however, and my Committee Chair says I'm on target for July!!!!

#2 HAVE A LIVE SHOW

The EP I'm working on with ROLLER8 is coming along quite nicely.  I think that because I don't have any dough to get PR and all the things you need to be taken seriously, that the product must be QUALITY!  I'm singing the best way I know how.  There is always room for improvement, and I am committing myself to transform my art, and to actually play out somewhere.  So...a concert.  Me.  Performing somewhere soon.  Meanwhile, listen to IMAGES one of our songs from the yet-to-be-titled EP from Roller8 Featuring coco street... 

#3 TRAVEL TO EUROPE FOR THE CHRISTMAS MARKETS

Image by the Telegraph

I have heard soooo much about the beauty of Europe in Winter.  I am thinking maybe some sort of combination of Prague, Copenhagen, Paris, London, or Vienna, for the Snow, Christmas Markets, sausages, and mulled wine.

Those are three things I'd like to do in 2013.  

You might be asking where the Lord is in all of this?  Well...it is all according to His Will, of course!  I can do none of it without Him!

The Rebirth of Ideas and Concepts?

Image by Mixed Nuts

I have been on, perhaps, one of the deepest soul searching journeys of my life.  I feel as if I am in that Yellow Wood, obstacles in clear view - the well traveled road beckoning me to carry on.  I wait at the mouth of that yellow wood.  I wait for the Lord to tell me which is the path to fulfill His Will for me.  I muse within myself whether or not to release that well trodden road, that comfortable well planned place.  But that place carries with it much pain.  It also carries with it a sense of duty and responsibility.  The other path has much uncertainty and lack of financial support.  Dare I, at this place in my life, dare I take this untrodden, unexplored, uncertain path?  I see so many on the intersections with their signs, "Hungry."  "Please, spare some change."  "Help me."  Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor His seed begging bread.  Are these hungry, spent souls not righteous?  Who's gonna be bold enough to judge their paths?

Don't we need some help and "spare change" sometimes?  The Just shall live by faith.  But would it be radical faith, or radical foolishness for me to forsake that comfortable road now?  "Don't leave without another job!"  "Why would you leave something like that that you prayed and fasted to be blessed with?"  Ah...the rub.  I DO NOT desire to be out of my Lord's Will...but where I am has become a toxic and painful place; and all at once noble, and heroic, and socially/morally responsible.  "Suffer the children to come unto Me, and forbid them not..."  If we expect to reign with Him, we must also suffer with Him.  Yes I have thought upon, and heard, and do consider all of those things, "But you have paid your dues."  

Oh. Really?  Have I?  

Indeed, I have been payingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingandpayingand... now what's next?  

I stand.  I keep creating, for God is creative, and He made me to create.

I keep working until that which He has given me is seen by all those He has given me to see what He has given me to create.  I had believed, once, that whatever I touch fails.  That's a lie...I just need to keep going in boldness and strength.  Oh. I have let you in on a little secret - Yes, I feel as if I have been an epic failure.

But the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but in she that endures....

Two Powerful Views About Money, Power, and Wealth: Becoming My Own Philip

Image from sixnotes.com

Thinking about the Book of Acts, Chapter 8 today, and understood this to be two views of wealth, and what to do (or not to do) with it. 

First, There is the view of Simon.

This man possessed a power so magical and dazzling that he amassed loads of groupies who utilized the Social Media of their day to decree that Simon had the "Power of God" ...until the Apostles Peter and John came to town.

Simon immediately started to hang out with them, watching as they laid hands on the people so that they might receive the Spirit of the Lord.  Simon was so dazzled at this Power, that he offered some cash to Peter and John so he could get in on it too.  Peter said to Simon, "You and your money should both be destroyed, because you thought you could buy God's gift with money."

Then, there's the story of Queen Candace of Ethiopia's CFO.   While coming back from church, the CFO was reading the book of Isaiah out loud, and wanted to know more about the Man, whom Isaiah was talking about in his book.  

Enter Philip, sent by God to walk alongside the CFO's chariot, who asked the officer if he understood the words that were coming out of that book.  The officer said he needed it to be explained, and offered for Philip to sit next to him in his chariot and break it down to him.  After a while, the officer was so dazzled that he wanted to get baptized immediately.  The two found a creek or something nearby, and in it, Philip baptized the CFO.  When he came up out of the water, he found Philip had vanished, God having sent Philip elsewhere to do something.

Wow.  Two views of wealth and power.

Simon tried to buy it and couldn't, treating God's Power and Wealth as a commodity.  The CFO recognized an opportunity to receive true Power and Wealth by seizing that God-sent moment with Philip: and he received it all. 

I am in the process of setting my life in order to align with God's plan and purpose for my life...thus, I am on a quest for being a good steward of "Godly Wealth," such as is taught by George B. Thompson, which emanates from the Holy Spirit rather than "things," and is given to me by the grace of God.  In a word, I am becoming my own Philip: I am leading myself to a place of recognizing and seizing the opportunity to do  something (or not do something) with True Power, and True Wealth.  I recognize today, that:

• To change my outer landscape, I must renew my inner landscape going forward...and it is truly a serious fight with my "self." 

• Transformation is a moment by moment yielding and commitment. 

• Transformation is the formation of new habits not taught in childhood that, when consistently and wholly applied, will change my life.

• It all starts with my THOUGHTS, and the true Will To Do/Will To Succeed ...and recognizing the power of what to do (or what not to do) with a moment. 

Reinvesting in your most important asset - YOU, is a continuous process loop of Renewing the mind.  Here, I have developed the Continuous Process Loop of Godly Self Transformation, or (Renewal = R³).

1. Refocus on the Lord through prayer and thanksgiving.
2. Realign yourself with His precepts and principles.
3. Respect the process, not the content, to invest and reinvest in God's Plan.

Image and Concept  by Colette (Coco) Street © 2013 All Rights Reserved.

The other day, I had a great discussion with my Mentor, Dr. David Blake Willis, about the scholar/practitioner and life journey I am on.  In the midst of that conversation, I had one of those realizations that I was experiencing a moment to seize, that will change the rest of my time left on earth...

...to be continued.

What's Behind a Groove?

Ever wonder what drives the creation of music?

For example...the photo shows a chick swingin' to a guy hammering out some serious vibes.  The song I chose, Harry Breuer and his Quintet playing Bumble Bee Bolero was done in 1957.  Listening to the song, you can hear his musicianship, but the song is tame as opposed to the "zany jacket" and "cheesy instrumental pop"

I wonder about this now, because Roller8 and I are in the throes of making our latest EP.  It's our first volume of work together since we released DWD back in the mid 90s.  We had a focus to get some music out, and to make our "sound."

Now in 2013, we are defining and solidifying that sound.

Behind our grooves will be thoughts of loved ones gone to be with the Lord, songs of thanksgiving and yearning for his Glorious Return, along with intimate discussions about past inside joke rendezvous in countries afar.  

You can also expect some SERIOUS GROOVES!!! Roller8's keyboard technique is out the box as he studies the intricacies of harmonic structure.

We are spending a lot of time working on our new music.  I am also working on new treats to share with everyone.  This is our time...time to join the ranks of musicians, singers and DJs that have lit up the dance floor with sizzling floor burners.  

We should probably wait until you all hear our work, and judge for yourselves.  But I think it doesn't hurt to toot your own horn now and then.  We're having a little good natured mischief of our own - all for God and Mom.

Everything Old Can Be New Again!

I found this track and tampered with it a bit - slowing down the tempo to a chilly vibe.  It sounds very nice IMO.  I inboxed Dalminjo to see if he would utilize his gifts again to make it even more up to date.  I hope he does.  We were once a pretty good team - but I let time and tide ebb away at the partnership.  He's got some really great things going on.  Check him out by clicking on his name.   Dalminjo, if you're peeking at this, how 'bout it?  

At any rate, enjoy what I have posted here.  Please share it with others who need to know the reason for Jesus' visit to earth, where He taught, healed, suffered, bled and died. 

i want to live!

i once heard bishop TD Jakes say something of this ilk, "i'm not afraid of dying.  i am afraid of coming to the end of my life only to discover that i have not truly lived."  y'all remember shawshank redemption?  "git  busy livin', or git busy dyin'"?  that is precisely where i am right about now.  what talents have i buried in the ground, out of sheer and utter fear?  God is surely dealing with me.  there shall be no dying on the vine...

dj T -Bird swoops by to encourage...

sometimes i forget who is lurking around, and actually paying attention to what i'm saying.  such one is dj T-Bird!  he swooped by from "the bird house" to give me a dose of the real, like building the audience by playing house parties, being aware of the existing  snobbery between the dj vs. "live music," and playing what i like...after all, who wants to play music they despise? (i love it).  well, since then i have begun compiling my list...and listening, listening, listening...

the continuing struggles of a suppressed dj

dj dj dj.  still wanna do it, go through with it, but where will i spin?  who will dance to my tunes? moreover, what will catch-a-fire?  i know there are many who have wondered what life would be like if they chose to do the thing that is taboo, that thing they always talk about in moral sitcoms where the person lives out their dream which alienates their people because they met this person when they gave up the taboo dream and began life as they knew it.  but one can only keep a caged tiger tamed for so long.  it has to come out somehow, and then risk being beaten back into safe submission by friends and family who are afraid of the taboo.  they don't want the taboo...they want safe little old you.  meaning well and doing it out of love, sure... but why can't we and our loved ones love all aspects of our creative selves?

by the end of that moralistic sitcom, the rogue is back in her safe little slacks and blouse with her briefcase and weejuns floating off to the corporate job of creative mundane-ness.  meanwhile the taboo's death knell sounds.

i feel bad about it.  i remember dancing at the old "does your mama know" back in the day and seeing some "senior dancers" moving through the crowd, drink in hand.  i felt offended at their presence.  "go back to the piano bar" i thought, asking why someone their age would have the gall, the unmitigated audacity to dare be in the presence of the fabulous young!!  now, i ain't a senior yet, but it's sittin' on the porch filing its nails waiting for me to join it!  if i walked into a place like that now, with half naked chicks writhing to the beats created by my generation, would they give me that get outta here jeer?  you bet they would.  if i created a club for people like me would they come?  only if it went no later than midnight, unless tomorrow's a vacation day or holiday.  if not, no dice.  gotta get up and weed the garden in the morning, you know.

maybe it should be a little hobby like cooking or needlepoint?  oh...what are your hobbies, ms, coco?  who, me?  after i write all of my court reports and send them in, i comb out my mohawk and go dj someplace.

hmmm... nice.

preparing for a podcast...

so...one thing i have always wanted to do is to be a dj.  to host my own show featuring music that is deep and beautiful, and most importantly, music that speaks to my soul.  i remember working at a certain station, which shall remain nameless, and wanting to be an on air personality.  i was told that i "sounded too urban."  read into that what you want to.  i was then given cork and marbles with the instruction to work on my diction.  that was then, and this is now.  i'm gonna produce me a show - a podcast that will be relevant and lovely and fun.  most importantly, i will enjoy it, and i hope others will too.  but in case nobody gives a rat's wazoo about it...oh well.  i'm making it to please the LORD JESUS CHRIST, and to hear those precious words...WELL DONE.  stay tuned - or not!

WHY FIVE SMOOTH STONES?

Image from folioart.com

I Samuel 17: 40-50 (Today's NIV) courtesy of Biblestudytools.com

40 Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd's bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine. 41 Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his shield bearer in front of him, kept coming closer to David. 42 He looked David over and saw that he was little more than a boy, glowing with health and handsome, and he despised him. 43 He said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. 44 "Come here," he said, "and I'll give your flesh to the birds and the wild animals!" 45 David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. 46 This day the LORD will deliver you into my hands, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. 47 All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands." 48 As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. 49 Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground. 50 So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.

I was deep in thought today, and the LORD brought this to my spirit. When David was in the field, confronting Goliath, he took the time to look deliberately for five smooth stones. This brings me to my first conclusion:

1. I Must Take My Time To Choose My Tools And Plans.

David didn’t just choose any old stone, but FIVE smooth ones out of the brook, not from dry land. I don’t know. Maybe if David chose just any old stones, the same result might have happened, but the Bible deliberately mentions five smooth stones chosen out of the brook. Selection and implementation, maybe? Then I thought David had to protect his sheep many times. This may have been another way that he killed hungry predators. He would had to have previous experience with wet smooth stones as a weapon of choice. A hard stone would break the skull. A stone that was carved smooth by the constant flow of water would then easily slip into the brain. This leads me to my second conclusion:

2. Be Selective and Choose The Best Tools And Plans To Get The Job Done.

The thought occurred to me that I should be just as selective when I select my tools and plans to slay the Goliaths in my life. David knew the seriousness of the situation, but he did not approach the Goliath until he had just the right tools and a plan of action. David had his stick, five smooth stones, a bag to hold the other four, a sling, and the POWER OF GOD. Even in the urgency of the matter, David took his time...for GOD was with him. Our tools or plans may not look like what we’re supposed to have in the eyes of men to slay our Goliaths, and we will surely be belittled and insult our enemy with the tools we choose.

The tools were not really the stones, but the magnificent and powerful Name of the LORD. In HIS Name we slay giants and move mountains, but we still have our part. GOD will utilize our tools and plans to the max when we slow down take our time to choose the tool for the situation, no matter what it is, and regardless of the impending urgency! AND, David only needed one stone out of five to get the job done, which leads me to my third conclusion:

3. Always Have Four Comparable and Accessible Backup Plans! It’s The LORD’s CHOICE To Use The One He Wants!

David knew the awesome power of GOD but he was also humble enough to know that the LORD could have chosen to use any of stones two through five. The LORD decided to allow victory with the first stone. So should we also have the same faith and hope in the LORD to use our first tool/plan. Should the LORD decide to use one of the other tools, they must be just as excellent and able to get the job done as the first one!

So...I will now have a look at my own Giant Killing plans and back up plans. Care to join me?

Fasting with Prayer...

We are not to appear unto men to fast.  That is true.  I thought about writing all of the things that are going on with me as I make this journey...but I think that I will keep my sensitive items simply between me and the LORD.  What I will say is this.  As soon as I set my heart to seek GOD, what happens?  I get a summer cold!  So my first two days were spent nursing myself, seeking GOD and ever hoping to be where HE wants me.  I feel a little like Morgan Freeman's character Red in the Shawshank Redemption when he was on the way to Zihuatanejo.

I Hope...

All Finished!

I am happy to announce that my new track is finished!  It is called Yesterday, and I will provide more details as the track is closer to being released.  I would like to invite you all to pray that the LORD will open doors for this music to reach the WORLD!  His Will be done!  Ella lives on!!

Shades of Al and Ella mixed with thoughts of Japan...

PHOTO: Visited Asia . Com
Been difficult to think of singing dreamily over a driving, focused and determined track, but then I realized the irony of the two. I want to float lazily over the musical equivalent of the Colorado Rapids, but the energy pulls me in...and I resist on purpose. I want to maintain my cool and give smooth vocals to make a sort of yin-yang feel, but the drive...the rip tide...the waves envelop me - and I cannot resist. I go back to the place where everything was so familiar to me, and I find that everything is gone - everything has forever changed and I find myself beginning again. A new landscape. A new horizon. Shards of landmarks. Torn pieces of street signage that told me where I once existed and found comfort in familiarity.

I close my eyes and think back to the old, in Black and White I hear Shades of Ella in perfect diction and intonation wrapped in a vessel of everyday brown clay. I turn in further and hear my own Nautilus the echoes out of sync, out of meter, yet I dare to match wits with Shades, I, dare to...evoke.

I hear my own Yesterdays and recollect photographs in sepia brown. I think of all my past loves and post scripts superimposed to my Yesterday, and emerges another Yesterday - my joyous happy sequesterdays. But. Then. I. Think of the Rising Sun, mourn I and remember I that no thing will separate. Not shuddering Earth or Responding tide.

I will make my Second Pass in my Journey tonight with these images in mind, and a shard of the Rising Sun in my voice.

Journey to Yesterday

Well, It has really been a whirlwind of a year - and it is only March! Let me say that there have been projects that engaged in - musical projects that I have not seen through. To all those, I must apologize. I do plan to continue the projects. Part of it has been a lack of proper equipment. God has provided, and now comes the learning curve. The other part of it has been a creative desert. Have you ever been in one of those? It is a sobering experience to say the least. It is all part of the creative process, though. There must be dry days, and rainy days filled with blessing. But it does not make going through the desert feel any better. Thank the Lord that He makes ways in the wilderness and rivers in the desert!

So now I begin a project that I actually wrote several years ago, and now the Lord has made a way for it to be produced. It is finally time to release it to the world, and I am definitely taking my time to write it. I feel like the music version of Ernest Hemingway's "a movable feast." I want to record and listen and re-record and listen. I am hoping that this track, and the journey to make it, will inspire whomever the Lord gives me to inspire. So now I am listening to three artists that I call "The Greats." Ella, Al, and Sarah. I am listening to Al First for his expertise in vocalese, scatting, and instrumental mimicry. I usually like to keep these fond treasures to myself, but maybe there are others who enjoy taking art and building something new with it.

So, the song is called Yesterday and it is produced by Reuben Kane - an up and coming maestro, in my opinion. It is a very cool stepper song that I want to steep in jazz technique. Back when I was a music major in junior college, I wanted to be a jazz singer. I absolutely love jazz and all of the wonderful colors and feelings that jazz evokes. I love The Greats I have mentioned earlier, and I hope to add a nod to each of them in the song. Oh, about the song...it's me realizing that I love the Lord, and that the Lord loves me too. This kind of love, the human aspect of love toward God, is evolutionary much like a blooming rose. We know God loves us, but the more we trust Him, the more we realize and learn for ourselves the extent of that love. This song catalogues the realization of a love revelation, where the Lord has carried me through yet another hard place, and I awaken to a deeper level of His unconditional, unchanging love for me.

So I start with brother Al Jarreau, where I hear in his voice and vocal stylings the joy of life and love of his craft. I am hopeful that a little of his gift will rub off onto me!